IDENTITY IS JUST A CLOUD OF BALLOONS
I wrote the following Instagram post caption almost five years ago, in the middle of the pandemic, on a day that felt like a repeat of hundreds that came before. COVID was surging, the worst wildfires of the year were in the rearview mirror, ideological polarization was reaching new catastrophic heights, and I was immersed in the existential crisis of not knowing what would come next.
We often identify with our thoughts, beliefs, and other labels we put on ourselves. We are progressives or conservatives. White, black, person of color. Wealthy or poor. Essential or non-essential. Someone who falls prey to binary bias or someone who doesn’t.
We say, “I am [__________],” and assume our identity is the collection of labels we use to fill in the blank. We use those labels to communicate who we are because that’s easier for people to understand. To say “I am” without telling people what you are seems strange.
We then fall into the trap of projecting our self-image back to ourselves in the same way. The “I am” is taken for granted, and we focus on the labels. Our labels are how we most automatically find self-worth and belonging.
So what about the “I am”? Each of us is having an experience, and without that experience, it would be impossible to label ourselves (or do anything else, really). I would argue that “I am” is the most important concept one can identify with and has very little to do with one’s beliefs or attitudes. It has everything to do with how we exist, with how we are.
Our existence boils down to how we pay attention and how we interact with what’s right in front of us, the way in which we experience what it is to be ourselves.
How we are is a more important aspect of our identities than what we are. Otherwise, it’s all style and no substance.
The short-form format of an Instagram post didn’t allow me to elaborate on the details of “I am,” so I’m finishing it now.
Ram Dass gave a talk about being and relating to one another that’s always stuck with me. He explains how each of us is like someone walking around holding balloons on strings. Each balloon is a label we’ve adopted. We eventually accumulate hundreds of metaphorical balloons that collectively create a cloud of identity, and we go about our lives holding this collection of balloons.
And we get used to just thinking about our balloon clouds when we think of one another. We forget someone is walking around holding those balloons. If a balloon pops, flies away, or is replaced with a different balloon, the person walking around holding all the balloons is still there, unchanged. This person holding the balloons is the “I am” in my post.
I’m of the belief that our core identity boils down to our experience. If we stop experiencing what it is to be ourselves, we stop being. With no one to hold them, all the balloons float away.
With that in mind, what would it look like to prioritize this core aspect of who we are, potentially deprioritizing all of the balloons?
How would it change the way we treat and think about one another, especially people with balloons we don’t like?
What balloons are you unwilling to release?
